Matthew 7:1-6
Matthew 5:21-26
Ephesians 4:25-27
Luke 23:33-43

“But these cuts I have, they need love to help them heal.” – Elton John, “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”

This is how I work: if someone even so much as slights me, I put up a wall. It might be small, to resemble the offense, separation. Eventually some people hurt me even more, and I build the wall higher. I cannot permit them entry and risk damage.
   
It works like a credit card. I give people a certain line of credit. They, in turn, operate within their approved limit. As time and trust increase, their credit line grows. I give them more of me, of my time, resources and heart.

They may not exceed their limit at any given time, though. If they do, they incur a corresponding penalty of my wrath that requires immediate payment. Interest compounds on the outstanding debts. Growing quickly, and in short time, the debt is insurmountable. The relationship bankrupts, and I refuse to forgive.

“He has violated me too much.” “I just can’t give any more.” “We’re just too different.” “We’re not on good terms right now.”

The interest grew too high for someone to pay off. The relationship broke. The credit line was withdrawn.

How do we keep from losing credit in relationships? First, we could pay our debts immediately. We could admit wrongs. We could confront the painful issues. We could seek forgiveness and extend it quickly. Then we immediately re-engage the relationship and restore the person.

Another option is to work out the grievance over time. You know, a tense moment here, a cold glance there, a biting comment or two, tension overall. Finally the issue could blow up, requiring a reconciliation. These are hard and painful and leave a scar.

Or we could ignore the invisible elephant for a lifetime and live with the separation. This road ends in hard hearts and bitter roots. The grapes on this vine are sour and distasteful.

When paying relational debt, we need precision and care. Dealing with a wrong or a hurt doesn’t justify reciprocated wounds. Let’s not create more debt. Were a surgeon to extract glass from your foot, he’d use a scalpel, not a saw. The same goes for dislodging the speck from a brother’s eye or the log in our own.

Jesus taught us to forgive. He loved a criminal dying at the hands of justice. He prayed for those who nailed him to a tree. While we clutch our list of hurts, he cancels ours against God.

Forgiveness is not an issue of merit. But it is one of freedom. If you want liberty in your life, forgive. Forgive others and reconcile. Forgive yourself and walk free from the past. Understand that you’ve been forgiven.

And if this doesn’t work, just know that Jesus ties our forgiveness to our ability to forgive. There’s a great deal of liberty out there waiting to be given. Will we choose it?

What can’t you forgive? Whom can’t you? Why?
Is it worth a supreme effort?
Does forgiving mean forgetting?